Meaning of "21 Things I Want In A Lover" by Alanis Morissette

"21 Things I Want In A Lover" is a song that explores the speaker's desires and preferences in a romantic partner. The lyrics present a list of 21 qualities that the speaker wants in a lover, highlighting various aspects of character, beliefs, and behavior that they find appealing. These qualities reflect the speaker's values and priorities in relationships.

One of the recurring themes in the song is the desire for a partner who possesses a balance of attributes and beliefs. The lines, "Are you both masculine and feminine? politically aware? And don't believe in capital punishment?" suggest that the speaker seeks a partner who embodies both traditionally masculine and feminine qualities and is socially conscious. This emphasis on balance suggests that the speaker values a partner who is well-rounded and open-minded.

The song also touches upon the idea of authenticity and self-expression. The lines, "Are you funny? Self-deprecating? Like adventure? And have many formed opinions?" indicate a desire for a partner who is not afraid to express themselves and be true to who they are. This implies that the speaker values openness and humor in a relationship, as well as a sense of adventure and the ability to hold strong opinions.

Throughout the song, the speaker emphasizes that these 21 qualities are preferences rather than necessities. The line, "Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer," suggests that the speaker recognizes the importance of personal choice and individual agency in relationships. This reflects a sense of self-awareness and an understanding that while these qualities are desired, they do not define the worth or success of a relationship.

Overall, "21 Things I Want In A Lover" is a song that expresses the speaker's desires and preferences in a romantic partner. Through the list of qualities, the lyrics explore themes of balance, authenticity, and personal agency in relationships.