Meaning of "Not What I Meant" by Dodie

The lyrics of "Not What I Meant" delve into the internal struggle of wanting validation and acceptance while grappling with the pressure to conform. The opening lines, "Let's find out just how far I'll go to look like someone you should know, maybe I'd sound a little better if my features were more sweet," reveal the speaker's desire to alter themselves physically and personality-wise to be more appealing to others. They acknowledge the notion that their "number," or their existing self, isn't considered good enough by those around them. This highlights the pervasive influence of societal standards and the pressure to conform to certain ideals.

The chorus, "How am I meant to stay on track when each hand I shake will pull me back," reflects the constant struggle the speaker faces in maintaining their sense of self in the face of external expectations. They express a willingness to work harder but walk a little less, indicative of their willingness to sacrifice personal values and authenticity to fit in. They question whether this path will lead to genuine growth and success or whether it will ultimately result in a "fucking mess." This internal conflict is encapsulated in the lines, "I'll do it if I have to, hoping for an in-between, not what I meant when I said that I wanted to be seen." Here, the speaker acknowledges that their initial desire to be seen and acknowledged has transformed into a pursuit driven by societal expectations rather than personal fulfillment.

The repetition of the phrase "I'll do it if I have to" conveys a sense of resignation, as if the speaker recognizes that conforming to societal norms may be necessary for acceptance and validation. However, the parenthetical lines "I'll keep it to myself" and "I must have seen that somewhere" suggest a level of self-awareness, where the speaker understands the emptiness and lack of authenticity in this pursuit. Ultimately, the lyrics of "Not What I Meant" highlight the tension between the desire for validation and the struggle to maintain authenticity in a society that often values conformity over individuality.