Meaning of "Ilusm" by Gnash

The lyrics of "Ilusm" delve into the complexities and challenges of a relationship. The speaker describes a dynamic where they seem to always see the light and the end of things, indicating a perceptive and intuitive nature. However, they also express frustration as they find it difficult to make things go right, contrary to what they were told about simplicity. This could reflect the idea that relationships require effort and compromise, and that the speaker is struggling to meet those expectations. The line "I know that you miss me, I'm sorry I'm busy, and don't make the time for the things you ask from me" hints at a lack of communication and perhaps neglect in the relationship. The speaker acknowledges their own shortcomings and busyness, apologizing for not giving enough attention or fulfilling the other person's needs.

The chorus emphasizes the speaker's internal struggle and their inability to rest or sleep due to these relationship anxieties. The line "Is it fine, if we find that in time this isn't right, I can't speak tonight" reflects an internal dialogue about the potential discontentment in the relationship, creating a feeling of restlessness and unexpressed thoughts and feelings. This could suggest a fear of confrontation or a struggle to articulate emotions, resulting in a passive approach to the relationship.

The subsequent verse highlights the speaker's desire to feel special and loved, indicating a longing for emotional connection and affirmation. They describe feeling numb in life, perhaps suggesting that external factors have clouded their ability to fully feel, or that their experiences have left them emotionally drained. The plea to "hold you for just long enough so you don't get tired of me telling you I love you so much" reflects a fear of abandonment and the desire to hold on to love and connection in the face of their own insecurities. The line "If I take care of you, who's gonna take care of me" reveals a fear of losing oneself in the process of caring for another and not having their own needs met.

Overall, "Ilusm" portrays a complex emotional landscape within a relationship. It points to a struggle with communication, a fear of loneliness, and a desire for emotional validation. The lyrics highlight the need for open and honest communication, an understanding of one's own needs, and the willingness to address and work through challenges together.