Meaning of "As I Die" by Paradise Lost

The lyrics of "As I Die" delve into the themes of love, betrayal, and self-discovery. The opening lines set the tone as they describe the protagonist being stared at, as if their very essence is being examined. This gaze is not welcome, however, as it carries a curse. The love mentioned here is not a positive force but rather something that has crippled the protagonist, suggesting that it may have been a toxic or manipulative relationship.

The following lines, "Shadows haunt the night, Burning my disguise," further reinforce the idea of inner turmoil and the struggle to maintain a facade. The shadows symbolize the hidden pain and emotional distress that the protagonist carries, tormenting them during the darkest hours. In this state of vulnerability, the protagonist acknowledges that their life has become untrue, implying that their existence has been tarnished or distorted by the events surrounding them.

The lyrics then touch upon the idea of sin as a diversion and the dismissal of the anger that comes with foolish behavior. This could be interpreted as the protagonist recognizing their own flaws or mistakes, attempting to find solace by addressing their own shortcomings rather than projecting anger towards others. This acknowledgment could be seen as a sign of growth and self-awareness.

The chorus, "Forgive me as I die," suggests a plea for forgiveness and perhaps a desire to be understood or reconciled with. This could be directed both towards the person who cursed them with their love and towards the broader world that may have contributed to their demise. The lyrics also explore the concept of punishment, indicating that the protagonist feels as though they are being punished for their actions.

The final lines, "You punish me, can't you see, I'm not real," introduce the idea of questioning one's own existence and reality. This may imply a feeling of detachment or a sense of not truly belonging to the world. The protagonist appears to be searching for a way to escape this punishment and to find a sense of release. It's a reflection on the internal struggles and uncertainties that can arise when faced with personal growth and the complexities of love.