Meaning of "Once" by Pearl Jam

The meaning behind the lyrics of "Once" revolves around personal growth, loss of control, and the struggle to maintain one's identity and relationships. The opening lines, "I admit it - what's to say? Yeah / I'll relive it without pain," indicate a certain level of acceptance and self-awareness about past mistakes or actions. The repetition of "once upon a time" emphasizes the idea of a bygone era when the narrator had control over themselves and could fully engage in experiences.

The reference to a "backstreet lover" and a "bomb in my temple" suggests a hidden passion or emotion that could potentially explode if not properly managed. The metaphorical imagery implies a sense of danger or repressed desires, adding depth and intensity to the lyrics.

The mention of an "indian summer" and the heat the narrator detests could symbolize a period of stagnation or discomfort in their life. This discomfort seems to be intertwined with the presence of a "backstreet lover" and a sense of secrecy or determination. The hand in the pocket symbolizes a hidden agenda or a concealed truth. The act of praying embodies a desire for change or resolution.

The line, "'You think I got my eyes closed / But I'm lookin' at you the whole fuckin' time'," reveals the narrator's frustration and anger. They feel misunderstood or underestimated, emphasizing their keen observation skills despite appearances. This could imply an unresolved conflict or tension within a relationship.

Overall, the lyrics of "Once" portray themes of self-reflection, the loss of control, hidden emotions, and the complexity of human relationships. The lyrics suggest that the narrator longs for a time when they had more agency and could fully engage with their desires. It also explores the struggle to balance personal growth and maintaining connections with others.