The speaker of the song is expressing their enjoyment of spending time alone and taking themselves out on dates. They describe calling themselves up, going to fancy restaurants, having drinks, engaging in conversation, and even taking themselves home for a romantic evening, ultimately ending up indulging in self-pleasure.

Meaning of "Intro To 'better Off Without A Wife'" by Tom Waits

The lyrics of this song paint a humorous yet poignant picture of the joys and struggles of being single. The speaker embraces their independence and self-reliance, finding fulfillment in their own company and creating romantic scenarios with themselves. This can be seen as a commentary on the loneliness and self-sufficiency that can come with being alone, highlighting the importance of self-love and self-care. The playful tone of the song also serves as a reminder not to take oneself too seriously and to find humor in the absurdity of life.