Meaning of "Close but No Cigar" by "Weird Al" Yankovic

The lyrics of "Close but No Cigar" by "Weird Al" Yankovic explore the idea of perfectionism and how unrealistic expectations can hinder relationships. The narrator meets three different women who possess qualities that he initially finds appealing. However, despite their positive attributes, he eventually discovers flaws in each of them that prevent him from fully committing.

The first woman, Jillian, is described as sweet and perfect in every way, except for her incorrect use of the word "infer." This small grammatical mistake seems inconsequential to most people, but it bothers the perfectionist narrator enough to end the relationship.

The second woman, Janet, is portrayed as extremely attractive, with a body and lips that the narrator finds irresistible. However, his infatuation is shattered when he discovers she owns a copy of the movie "Joe Dirt" on DVD. This revelation undermines his idealized image of her, as he perceives the film to be beneath his own standards of taste and culture.

The third woman, Julie, possesses a combination of qualities that appear to be the perfect match for the narrator. She is beautiful, successful, and intelligent. However, her slightly larger earlobe becomes a dealbreaker for the narrator, showcasing his obsession with perfectionism. Despite her numerous outstanding qualities, this trivial physical flaw overshadows everything else.

The song's message highlights how unrealistic expectations and a fixation on small flaws can sabotage relationships and prevent people from finding true happiness. The narrator's inability to overlook minor imperfections suggests a narrow definition and pursuit of perfection that is ultimately damaging. It serves as a critique of superficiality and the superficial standards society often imposes on relationships.

Yankovic's choice of humor and satire helps to emphasize the absurdity of the narrator's expectations. By presenting the flaws as reasons for breaking up, the song highlights the pettiness and futility of pursuing an unattainable standard of perfection.